In less than a second, an internet search turns up one and a half million references to conflict resolution and five hundred and twenty to alternative dispute resolution (ADR), an indication of the great public interest in these attractive concepts of growing importance.
Despite this interest, the meaning of these terms is often unclear. On its own, "conflict resolution" includes any method of resolving disputes, even war. But that is the opposite of what most people mean by conflict resolution-they are talking about solving conflicts through peaceful means.
When speaking about conflict resolution and alternative dispute resolution, the words "conflict" and "dispute" are used synonymously. Thus, the major difference is the modifier "alternative," a key word that poses two important questions: to what is ADR an alternative, and what are the alternatives?
ADR refers to any means of settling disputes outside of the courtroom. Indeed, the high cost and delays of litigation have led to ADR's popularity. The three principal alternatives to litigation ADR promotes are negotiation, mediation and arbitration.
Negotiation is by far the most common technique of resolving disputes. At its heart, negotiation is simply agreement making. I say that simply because negotiation succeeds when an agreement is reached. Mediation and arbitration are alternatives that are available when negotiation fails. But mediation is simply an aid to negotiation. The parties must still reach an agreement for mediation to succeed. Arbitration is a true alternative to litigation with the arbitrator making the decision settling the dispute instead of a judge. While arbitration can be imposed by law in emergency situations, the vast majority of arbitrations are simply the product of an agreement of the parties to submit their differences to a third party. Thus, the three ways ADR promotes for the resolution of disputes peacefully-arbitration, mediation and negotiation-are all based on agreement making in one way or another. And agreement making is surely a gentle art.
I call agreement making an art since, as defined in the dictionary, it is a skill acquired by experience, study or observation. It's an art we all practice daily. We enter a negotiation whenever we ask something of someone else. Agreement making is a fundamental part of the way we get along with each other.
There are no simple tricks to getting what we want from others by negotiation. Nevertheless, one can become more proficient by understanding and practicing the techniques of conflict resolution. There are many useful books and courses on the subject. For the most part, they are designed to teach people how to beat their opponents. For example, a brochure for a seminar entitled "How to Be a 'Tough-As-Nails' Negotiator" offers instruction on "Assembling an Arsenal of Negotiating Skills, Plotting a Plan of Attack, and Forcing Your Opponent to Surrender." There are times when a tough-as-nails approach will work. But the basic aim of negotiation is to get your opponent to agree to give you what you want. You may be able to bully him or her into doing that, but you can also be successful by being skillfully persuasive. Pounding the table and shouting is not by itself a mark of smart negotiation.
In 1937, Dale Carnegie wrote a best-selling book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Carnegie outlined three fundamental techniques that are as useful in negotiation as they are in making friends: don't "criticize, condemn or complain" about the person you are trying to influence; express "honest and sincere appreciation" of what he or she says or does; and arouse in your opponent an "eager want" to do what you are proposing.
But negotiation involves far more than merely pleasing your opponent. It is an interactive contest of communications that depends heavily on the way people react to each other. I have found, particularly in complex negotiations, that defining the issue or issues and assessing the relevant facts are the two of the most important first steps towards resolution.
More information on the gentle art of agreement making can be found in the online Primer on Conflict Resolution, based on a book by Theodore Kheel and available on the PERC website.
Read the Online Primer on Conflict Resolution